Recovering in Palo Alto

I think it has been a few days since I last posted. I still don't seem to have any concept of time. I'm sorry to make so many people cry on my last post. I just had to to tell the story of Ery. With so many patients and liability I understand that they have to be so careful that they don't give the wrong thing to the the wrong person at the wrong time but, in Nebraska, when I had my previous surgery, they would let one person stay with you all the time. I wish they would still do that. I'm being very careful to not do any lifting and follow doctors orders so I do not get a CSF, cerebral spinal fluid leak and have to go back in the hospital as I had to to last time.

Here's a hospital story to make you laugh. When Steven and Rob came to see me that night that Steven walked with me in the hall, Steven began the visit with his usual, "Are you alright Mommy?" I told him I was feeling pretty good and then Julie, my RN came in with my meds. Steven turned to her and immediately said, "Your Dad's a loser." Rob and I were both shocked. Julie is a young spunky gal and she took it in stride as Rob scrambled to get to the root of this totally out of the blue comment. It didn't take long to find out that Steven had overheard Rob call some the the neurosurgeon residents losers whose bedside manner was not so great. Rob had also expressed displeasure with some elements of my care. Steven had seen the stethscope around Julie's neck and figured that one of the "loser doctors" Daddy had been talking about must be her Dad. Julie cracked up! We all had a good laugh. Rob has since talked to Steven that not all of Mommy's doctors are losers. Before Steven comes with me to any follow up appointments I am going to be sure he knows that all of Mommy's doctors are "heros and good guys." With a 3 1/2 year old around you can't let your guard down for a second.

It has been so energizing to stroke my daughter though it is difficult for me touch her since I cannot hold her and cannot bend my head down. I was happy to see Mackenzie had bonded so well to my Mom even though it was personally heartbreaking to watch her track my mother like she use to track me in a room though there isn't a more wonderful mother to step in for me then my own Mamacita.

Over the las few days Mackenzie and I have been reconnecting. I've learned that if I open my mouth really wide to smile at her she understands I am smiling and she smiles back at me. Mom picked me up a special pillow that with her assistance I can actually nurse Mackenzie a little. In the hospital they did not use the pump so I'm not sure how much milk I am producing now not that I was strong enough to handle the pumping in the hospital anyways. It is funny that I have found nursing Mackenzie to not be draining. I actually feel relaxed when nursing and I get to stroke Mackenzie and we share smiles. I haven't taken my valium for over a day now. Mackenzie now tracks me again and looks to nurse throughout the day. It hurts to use my face too much so I save up all my expressions for her. She and I both look forward to our nursing times. I am trying to nurse whenever I feel strong enough.

The toughest part now is missing my "guys." Today I was flipping channels and came across Transformers, so I called them to see if they were watching it. We watched it together a bit. Steven told me he has a surprise for me when I come home. I think he is trying to gve me incentives to get better. I told him that I cannot wait for the doctor to clear me to come home. I told him Mommy is doing everything the doctor has asked her to do so she will get better quickly.

My first appointment is Tuesday afternoon. I cannot remember with who. I think I have a few appointments that day. The hope is that I will be cleared to go to Sacramento. I've already been starting to make plans for Rob and Steven to come and see me there.

Keep up with all the positive thoughts and prayers! They are definitely working! Love you all especially you Rob.